Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Recounting my first sexual experience.

I was 15 and he was 17 years my senior. I actually thought it was love.

I got to know him through MIRC. He messaged me first; there were the usual questions of a/s/l, occupation and the likes. He told me he was a designer, a lingerie designer. I was impressed. We chatted for a couple of days after that, eventually talking on the phone. We talked about family, his, my studies, his work and of course, sex. He was the first person I had phone sex with.

I had started masturbating very early, probably around 10 and I looked at the occasional porns available on the Internet, but phone sex He asked me to do various things from the other side of the line, the most memorable one being that I was to stand at my doorway in the nude, with the fan switched on and facing me. Then he demanded that I bend my knees and stick my index finger into my pussy. I obeyed.

I flooded.

I can't remember at what point we decided to meet up, but we did. The venue we agreed on was a major shopping mall in the Golden Triangle. After the date was confirmed, I remember being plagued by nervousness. But I wanted to meet him badly.

On that day, I brought along a girlfriend of mine (Sure, I was terribly naive but I was brought up by a Mother who is very good in instilling common sense). I was quite conscious about how I looked as I had just had a terrible hair cut. It mortified me, and I was thinking, he was surely going to be repulsed. So I tried to fix it with tonnes of glittered hair clips. Thinking back now brings a smile to my face; I was so silly.

At noon, with the support of my girlfriend, I waited anxiously at the cafe. There was a number of reasons to why I was nervous. First, I had never seen him. Not even a picture. All I knew was that he's 5'9", longish hair, pleasant looking and in pretty good shape. Secondly, I didn't know what should be the appropriate gesture when I see him. Hug him? A kiss? What if he's ugly? That was another concern.

He arrived. To cut the story short, I wasn't impressed with his looks. He turned out to be 'almost' 5'8" and he seemed to be slouching. The worst thing was, he was apparently more interested in my girlfriend. I'm definitely above average now but back then, I was a gawky, nervous, hairclip-happy teenager. My friend on the other hand, had knew how to put on makeup beyond the basic tinted lip balm and blusher.

He wasted no time to grope me though. We were seated at the corner, you know....the ones with cushioned benches. He sat next to me whilst my girlfriend sat opposite. Out of a sudden, he just slipped his palm beneath my buttocks. I was a little shocked but allowed him nevertheless. He was working his fingers in such way that I was completely aroused. But I had to keep a straight face as my gf was chatting animatedly to both of us. He, on the other hand looked completely composed.

The date ended and he said he wanted to meet up again. Just me and him. I readily agreed. As much as I didn't really like his appearance, he was in fact average looking (not ugly) but he aroused me tremendously. Thinking back now, I guess it was just plain, honest lust. But I was afterall, only 15, still coccooned by my parents' advice, moral standing and their potential reaction. So the next best thing was what else, but to call it Love.

We agreed to meet at my home the week after, in broad daylight when the whole family would be out.